what a peaceful day

Eventho my pains come and go, disturbing me...
It's been a peaceful day....

Eventho you try to avoiding me and try to leave,
It's been a peaceful day....

Today..
Only today...
I feel no anger to myself...

Blessed?
I dont know if this can be called a blessing..

One thing I know...
And may be the only thing to know today...
Is that it's been a peaceful day...

Like...
I'm being prepared for whatever happen tomorrow by Him.

Today...
is only the beginning of tomorrow...

Nice dream

I had a dream last night.
I saw my body laid on an operating desk surrounded by doctors...
And I slowly fled to the next room, seeing my family and all of my bestfriends waiting outside the operating room.
They looked so mess up, especially Nabil, who was about to cry.

Turned my head and saw someone beckoned on me, whispering these words "come here... come here", it was so peaceful, the voice...
so I fled slowly to her(?) and reach her arms. She pulled me slowly and.. suddenly I wasnt anywhere but home..
I saw my dead granddad there, looking so fresh and smiling at me.. He welcomed me home.
Told him that I miss him so much, he smiled and we were about to hug each other.

And .. I woke up this morning.
It was so real... I could feel the warm air, the bright sunlight, the fresh smell of everything...

Was it Heaven? If it is, then let me go back...

sakit melulu

Udah seminggu ini aku ga ngisi blog ya...

Masih migren-migren. Kalo abis makan, maag sakit, padahal bubur doang. kalo lgsg banyak, maag sakit. sekarang ditambah flu dan sariawan.
Halah! penyakit banyak bener ya???
Besok aku ga ngantor ah..

Sekarang TIDUR!

3 days

Sabtu
kemaren rencanaku ketemu Kang Adhit & Teh Ninit gagal euy...
Acaranya jam 4, qta baru berangkat jam 3 dr Jkt! Sampe di Bdo, jam 5, lgsg diturunin di Ciwalk. Terus nuju ke Gunung Agung t4 talkshow-nya, aku bengong! LHO? Kok SEPI? Tanya ke pelayan, "Baru aja bubar." HALAH! DODOL!
ya udah, kepalang tanggung di Gunung Agung, aku keliling2 sambil sms E.N.N dengan reaksi msg2.. (E)do : "ROTFL", (N)ie : "Kasian deh lo!", sementara no respond dari (N)abil (lgsg curiga ni anak abis pulsa). Nemu buku "Bandung 2006", lgsg beli aja. :D

Minggu
Pagi2, abis nonton Oprah, kita ke TaWa. begitu nyampe, buka pintu, eh? kok dikunci? lgsg curiga ga ada orang. Dad ketok2 jendela kamar, ga keluar2. "Tuh kan, Daddy, kataku juga apa? Ga ada orang!" Ya udah, kita lgsg ke Deme. Ternyata orang TaWa pd di Deme semua!
Abis Mom&Dad ngobrol2, kita ke B6. Di sini aku main sama Koneng, lg manja ni ucing! Aku suka bgt kel dia lg manja gitu...
Terus abis dr B6, kita turunin Dad di ... (lupa jalan apa), "Dad mau pijit dulu". Sementara nunggu Dad selesai, Aku & Mom keliling2 ga jelas gitu! Udah penasaran gitu, Mom akhirnya ngomong "lagi cari bubur buat kamu." Mpe Dad minta dijemput, ga ketemu2!
Kita disuruh nyamper ke tukang pijit. Sampe di tempatnya, ternyata aku disuruh ikut dipijit.
Abis pijit,, kita cari makan, dapet juga tu bubur... terus pulang.
Sampe rumah, Dad lgsg monopoli TV, nyalain SCTV. Halah! Dasar! Crotia vs JP dengan hasil 0-0.
Duh! KETINGGALAN NBA FINALS nih! Kemaren Nonton Mavericks Vs Heat 2-2. hasil td pagi gimana ya???
Mlm2 aku agak mampet & sedikit sesak.


Senin
Pagi2 mimisan lagi... plus pilek! Bandung lagi DINGIN!!!
Well, almost everyday my nose bleeds now... So, It's not news anymore.
Went to TaWa first to pick her up before going to Deme.
Whn she got in, her hands started to touch my arm and then she moved it almost to touch the front again! eventho my mommy sat between us!
NOT AGAIN!!!
I HATE HER!
I HATE HER!
I HATE HER!
When we arrived At Deme, I sat next to Di Diah, "She" saw me there and moved towards me!
WHY ME???
So I waited till she almost sat down, and then I moved quickly as far as possible beyond her reach!
I have mentioned about her in this day's Posting. Please ignore the Sara Freder thing..

Back to story, There's not much to do or say at Deme... After the wedding ceremony, We, Mom, Dad, and Me (Thx God, she was not coming with us) going home.

I... have a rage toward her! I cried a bit while I wrote about this monday story with TYPOS EVERYWHERE!

WHY ME???

Ga ngantor

Pagi2 udah tengkar sama Mommy.
Aku akhirnya bilang sama Mommy kalo aku sakit. But she kept thinking I'm just too lazy to go to office.
Asked her to take me to the doctor, but she insisted in taking me to doctor on monday..
After fighting, Ma rushing in to her room. and I asked Dad to call the doctor, and he called.
So tonight I'm going to Doctor...

For now, I want back to sleep. for this migrain comes again.

NGANTUUUKKKK!!

GIla! Ngantuk bgt dr siang!
Padahal bobonya biasa aja tuh...

Siaul... Pak Parna & tamu ngerokok td pagi. jadi agak sesak lagi.
But I tried not to think about it.

Sariawan lagi, letaknya di lidah pula! HANCUR! ga bisa makan, kena makanan sakit!
hehehehe.. dasar!

Pulang2 Mom & Sis ga ada.
=====

Told Edo about the sms, sent it to him too..
Like Nabil, he was speechless too.
Well, at least, my biggest secret has finally revealed to all of my best friends and I hope they will be recover from the shock soon or later.
Knowing that there are loads of people not able to bear with the matter, NOT even my Parents.

But I feel guilty to let them know about it, Especially Nabil who cant take it easily.
He keep whining about how could I stay quiet all these time.
Well, Sweethearts of mine... I have explained it to you privately, haven't I?

Sakit?

Kok aneh ya..
Kemaren malem, telapak tangan dan telapak kakiku panas tapi badannya gpp.
Malem ini juga sama nih..
Tapi cuma malem doang panasnya...
Ada apa ya?


Dan udah beberapa hari ini, I saw my door moves at the corner of my eyes... but it didnt move at all...

Ah, bobo aja ah..

Hehehehe

Lagi utak-atik mainan baru...
"email forwarder" (I hear you laugh now!)
Basi? emang..
Selama ini aku ga pernah utak-atik fasilitas forwarder sih.

Iyah.. hmm... aku juga lagi ngutak-atik settingan di gmail.. pengen tau kl profilenya begini jadinya kyk apa.. tapi blm konsen sih.. msh bingung sama Forwardernya.

ah, bingung mau nulis apa sekarang..
nanti lagi ah...

Test

Nyobain kirim postingan blog dr email..
--
~Trinie Lupin~
http://loopeen.blogspot.com/
http://loopeenpoems.blogspot.com/

Help me overcome the Downtime!

Cant do it alone.
My Dearest Nie cant accompany me this time.

I hate it, I hate when I'm exhausted like this...
Somebody pls show me the way out..

======

Mata, tangan & kakiku kok panas ya?
Gejala Flu? ah, masa sih? tapi kalo aku cek leher dan dahi, biasa aja tuh..

Dah ah! BT!
Ga tau mau ngapain!

Masih ga enak!

Ga nyangka bgt!

Satu pertanyaan :
Segini dalam kah luka di jiwa dan hatiku?

It HURTS!

Now I know I'm not a hater nor a cruel person.
I cant be one..
I've Never be one..
It hurts so much when I tried to be cruel.

It's been three days my soul, my heart aching from trying to be cruel.
I'm not allowed to hate anyone.

Please dont play with my heart.
It hurts so much to hate you.
It hurts so much to leave...
It's been THREE days already eversince I tried to leave.

I HATE YOU!

FOR RUINING MY LIFE!
FOR KEEP SENDING ME THE VIBRATION OF YOUR FEELING!
FOR THOSE FIGHTING SESSIONS
FOR EVERYTHING!!!

Cruel?

Dont get me wrong, but yes I can be cruel to anyone who make me angry.
one example : when my cousin disturbed me while I was in no mood to disturb her back.
I hold her hand with my nails onto her skin.
the result was she bled.

Yes, I can be cruel to anybody...
But I choosed NOT to be...
Why? Because that's would make me like them who are cruel to me.
It would be like... revenges. revenging to someone who are not guity...

Cruel? hehehehe... to someone who is worth of it.. WHY NOT?

Bengek!

Hari Sabtu kemaren, Edo dateng! janjinya jam 3, molor! Dasar!
Eh, Do, thx-nya kerupuknya.. terus Bronisnya ketinggalan nih! mau diapain??? :P

Edo pulang, Aku ke rapat pembentukan panitia Offline di Citoz. Seperti biasa RAMEEEE...
Aku dan Nabil dari rumah-ku jam 5. sampe sana udah nyaris lengkap tuh, tinggal tunggu Mita dan Papa Yongky. Udah pada makan pula.
Terus aku pesen makan deh, ngobrol2 sama dyna, veye, dll. Karena bentuk mejanya yg memanjang, jadi terbagi 2 grup deh. hihihihi... Aku duduk pas di tengah2, dr t4--ku duduk, yg kanan ngobrol serius, yg kiri ngobrol ga serius. *untung duduk di tengah, bisa masuk ke kanan-kiri :D *Papa Yongy ga jadi dateng* :(

Terus selesai rapat jam 8, bubar deh... Yg masih pengen ngumpul terus pindah ke Kafe. Lagipula ga enak jg dong tinggal di restoran tapi ga pesen apa2 lagi.
Waktu kita ke Bean's, masih agak sepi. Mita ngomong apa tuh ke pelayan, terus kita duduk di dalem. Nabil dan Mita lgsg pesen Kopi (ga tau apa aja).. Kopi dateng, kita ngobrol, Nabil dan Mita ngerokok deh...
Jam 9, kafenya mulai rame. Makin banyak yg ngerokok deh!

Terus jam 10, akhirnya pulang dijemput sama Parents. Meskipun masih pengen ngumpul, lbh baik pulang deh! Daripada asthmaku kambuh, kan mending pulang.
Sampe rumah, nyalain kompie, ikut arisan malam, eh... asthmaku kambuh! sesak-sesak nafas deh.. Ngetik-ngetik di arisan aja mpe TYPO!
Aku semprot Inhaler terus kasih tau nabil lewat sms. Karena inhalernya udah mau kadaluarsa, jadi ngambil salbron deh.. alhasil Sport Jantung dan SHAKING BERAT!
Cant breath but I tried to stay calm, Havent tell my parents, so they dont know that I had asthma attack that night. Tried to sleep, but hey.. who could sleep when it's hard to breath???
akhirnya ol lagi, sambil nunggu asthma reda.
Baru bisa tidur Jam 5 pagi!!

Terus jam 10.30 udah bangun lagi. Mau tidur lagi ga bisa, DUH! ya udah, mandi, makan, terus nonton, dan "berantem" sama Nabil lewat sms.Such a childish responds there you got, Bil... I hate you for that!
Online deh.. hihihihi.... SEPI! YM, Gmail, Milis! Halah! Akhirnya aku buka account email yg belum dibaca, ah.. males ah.. gila aja! masih sesak-sesak gitu..
akhirnya nonton lagi, sambil nyoba2 bobo.
Online lagi, ngobrol2 dengan yg ada.

Hari Senen, lumayan... pagi2, sesak-sesak udah berkurang.
eh, tapi sore2, hancur! batuk asthma!
Sampe sekarang masih batuk2.. walaupun udah makan salbron..

Why Do People choose to live in Denial?

I've never can understand it...
Why?
Arent they tired?
It drives me crazy..
for none of the reasons are good enough to bear in mind.

I always show you all the real me.
I'm not "trying" to be ME anymore
but I'm ME.
and I wont deny anything that happen to me
in the past, present and future.
whether it's good or bad, Naaahh... I dont deny it...
I accepted it.

It's been hard enough to bear the pains that caused by being me.
Not everyone likes it... I know...
But I've learned to let go...
I've learned to stand back and give them the way out.
I've learned to stay and give them supports.
I've learned to be nice when people are stabbing me on my back.
I've learned to live my life no matter what.
I've learned that the best way to stay alive is to give them my life, my heart, my soul.