WBD

hmm...
lumayan, walaupun sepi (banyak stand yg baru diisi hari sabtunya) pdhl WBD buka dr Kamis.

Selama di sana, kok ihp pd tegang semua sih?
Walaupun tak dikatakan, aku tau kok kalo banyak yg marah.
I could feel the negative emotions eventhough nobody say anything.
Eventhough (almost) everybody acted like nothing happen.

3 hari ke sana, aku terpapar emosi negatif gitu, ya akhirnya drained.
Hari minggu, tidur seharian jadinya.
Hari ini juga masih capek berat.
ditambah lagi Daddy yg emang capek abis pulang dr China kemaren...
HUAH!
Menjadi2 dah!

Butuh counter euy....

Are you take side with me?

One day, you come to me, telling me your story.
Ah, you have problem with someone...
And then....
You ask me this question of :

Are you take side with me?

BEUH! I HATE THAT QUESTION! I LOATH IT!

You know...
You can tell me stories, you can ask me some advices, you can pick which action I've provided is the best for you.

BUT!
DO NEVER EVER ASK ME TO TAKE SIDE!
Because I'm not taking side!
AND I WILL NEVER TAKE SIDE!

If you insist, then I will take side with the right one.
whether it's you or your "enemy".

You are my friend, but that doesnt mean your enemy is also mine either.

Aku paling sebel sama orang2 yg, kalo bermasalah dengan si A, ngajak2 temen2nya biar ikut musuhin si A juga. Pdhl belum tentu si A yg salah dan juga mereka (temen2nya) ga ada masalah langsung dengan si A.
Ih, beraninya main keroyokan! PENGECUT! CHICKEN!

For example, I have trouble with you, I'm going to sort it out with you. NOT WITH YOU AND YOUR "GANKS".
IF I couldnt sort it out with you, then I'm going to someone to GET SOME ADVICES. That's all!
I dont ask this person to sided with me. I cant... because I STILL HAVE MY OWN DIGNITY!

IF you ask me to be the middleman, fine, I can do that.
but if you ask me to take side. sorry, you have waste your time.
I need to stay in the middle, to have some points of views, to be free.
I need to listen to both side's stories, to get the whole picture, the big picture.
If I dont know the other side? then I'll show you your parts.
If I think you are doing right or wrong, I'LL TELL YOU THE WAY IT IS!
You are right? then I'll tell you : "You're right"
You are wrong? then I'll tell you : You're wrong."
NOT CONTRARILY!

Let's underline this :

I will tell you the TRUTH, no matter how hard for you to hear.
At least you heard it from someone who care.

You dont like what you heard from me? Fine... just walk away... you know where the door is.
I'm just telling you my point of view. I'm just giving you advices you asked.

Dont hate me for the bitter pill I I gave you...
Because the pills will cure you.
But hate me for the sweets I gave you...
Because the sweets will kill you.

Nekad

Kemaren Sabtu, aku ke undangan Ucoq&Dewi.
Dari rumah, pake rok batik, pake sendal pesta, dan ga lupa bawa sepatu sendal yg biasa.
Sampe sana... *sial* Rokku kepanjangan! keinjek terus!
Gajah2 pada tereak2 : "Cantik bgt!" Doh! MALUUUUU!!!!

Abis salam sama Ucoq&Dewi, makan2!
*sial lagi* Doh! ngambil kebanyakan, dan ngeliat yg lain udah selesai makan drtd, aku ga tega deh ngabisinnya.. huhuhuhu... Sayang jg sih... tapi Gajah2 imut itu udah nungguin aku selesai makan..
Dan selesai makan, foto2 deh sama Gajah2 dan Penganten.

Aku tau kalo abis acara Ucoq&Dewi ini, mau rame2 ke TMII dan Plumpang. Terus H-1 Plumpang dibatalin, soalnya Bunda Judith ga bisa.
Yaolo! Ternyata jadi jg mereka ke TMII! Aku TAK BAWA BAJU GANTI! Gimana dong?
"Ya udah, Trin, gpp kok!"
"Ikut aja deh! pls?? Ya? Ya? Ya?"
Henny bilang ke Pak Uku : "Boleh yaaaa??" ROTFL
HOW COULD I REFUSE THOSE PUPPY EYES??

Ya udah, aku & Pak Uku jln duluan, dan nyampe duluan di gerbang TMII, aku sms Henny : "Hen, aku tunggu di sebelah Teh Botol"
Henny bales : "HA? Udah nyampe???"
YAOLO!! Mereka pake nyasar dulu!!! Pantes lama!!!

Akhirnya Henny sms lagi, "Trin, lgsg masuk aja, tunggu di keong mas."
Di tempat parkir., mereka keluar dr mobil UDAH GANTI BAJU SEMUA!
DOH! *gaplokin satu2!* Ga ada sense of crisis-nya bgt siii??
YAOLO! MATEK GUE!
Jadi deh... aku SATU-SATUNYA yg ke TMII DRESSED UP!
Ribet2 sendiri, angkat2 rok batik yang kepanjangan itu.

Ya udah lah.. Salah sendiri pake nekadz ikut ke TMII pdhl ga bawa baju ganti!
Have funnnnn!!
Aku ga tau pada mau nonton apaan di IMAX, tapi yg jelas ga jadi tuh...
hihihihi... OQ n Partner dateng, terus Azil join jg setelah nyasar waktu nyari gedung t4 Ucoq&Dewi.

Jadi lengkapnya :
- Jipeng
- Deden
- Azil
- Heri
- Indra
- Lea
- Mbu
- Bundhoot
- Henny
- Adis
- Shinta
- OQ n Partner (sorry, Q, ga tau namanya)
dan jg yg cuma ikut sampe t4 Ucoq : Awan, Fahmi&Mia, dan Big.

Terus kita naek kereta gantung. Aku, Henny, Sinta dan Adis berempat satu kereta.
Sebelum naek, aku bilang "Gimana kalo berhenti di tengah?" Sinta lgsg TEGANG! hihihihihihi...
Di atas, kita kepanasan! huhuhuhu... GILA! PANAS BGT EUY! Baju dan Rokku mpe BASAH! Baru waktu muter balik, anginnya lumayan... sepoi2, TQ Windy..

Abis dr Kereta Gantung, haus.. haus.. yang lain makan (err.. atau minum?) Es Teler. Aku terpaksa cuma beli Aqua, baru sembuh dari Flu sih...
di tengah2 ngobrol, WESLY nelp Bundhoot! Hihihi... Bunda godain aja, "lagi makan Es teler", aku bayangin di sana Wesly nyumpah2 deh... ROTFL

Kenyang Es teler, qta ke mesjid, sholat, yg ga sholat nunggu di "borobudur".
Ngobrol2... Foto2 (eh yg ini sih nyaris setiap saat).



Liat Jam, WAH??? Jam 4 lebih!! GILA GILA GILA!
Jam 6 harus udah di acara lain! ya udah, pamit pulang, sementara yg lain masih nerusin ke Starbuck, *nagih Mbu, HOT CHOCOLATTE-kuuuuuu..... Kapan???*

Pulang2, mandi, terus siap2, sementara sodara2 mulai dateng.
Dan... ANOTHER PARTY'S GOIN!!
Dresscode : Black n White.
Theme : Surprise Party!!!

Hihihihi.. Emang udah dasarnya semua jahil, jd Si Ibu ga gitu kaget... "udah curiga dr pagi," ktnya waktu Pidato! ROTFL

Aduh!! ASYIK BERAT KEMAREN TUH!
Gila! Gue bener2 NEKAD ABIZ ke TMII cuma bawa 50RB di DOMPET! 30rb buat tiket masuk... beli Aqua 3rb. YAOLOOOO!! sisanya??? Buat TOL...

Heran, Kesambet apaan gue kemaren???
- Di Pesta Ucoq, makan ga abis!
- Ke TMII pake rok batik panjang yang keinjek melulu kalo ga diangkat.
- Duit pas2an! Habis pula!
- Dibayarin euy naik Kereta gantungnya :">

*colek2 Henny, Bundhoot, Sinta, Adis dan Lea... MUACH!

Rages of mine

I know I have never been able to be a good friend.
All I do is spoiling everything.
That's Why HE keep sending me "baddies" to be my friends.
Meanwhile the "goodies" are gone long time ago because they were hurted by me.
The Baddies? stay until they finish drinking the honey I made for them, and then left.

I realize one thing : the insecurity inside of me has made me a baddy.
My body languages keep screaming for "STAY AWAY FROM ME! or I hurt you again n again!"

May be I should close my doors, every single door I have, to avoid me hurt n getting hurted.
May be U think I'm stupid, chicken or, worse, Give up.
Anything U said is right. I dont care...

I dont care!
Thanks to U to teach me how not to care!

I LOVE TO BE ABLE TO SAY THAT!
I LOVE TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT!
- Not caring,
- Leave whenever I want to,
- Not thinking about those people's Health, Happiness, Sadness, etc,
- Not trying to be a good company,
- Be selfish!
I LOVE TO BE ABLE DO THOSE!

But no...
HE The Almighty has never allow me to be a person like that!
I was made to feel the pains.
I accepted that.
I HAVE ACCEPTED THAT EVER SINCE LONG TIME AGO!
but Why people keep remind me to that?
Why people keep remind me of pains?

I AM WHAT I AM!
I AM WHAT HE MADE ME TO BE!

The Rages inside of me is getting bigger everytime I got hurted or hurt!

"Why did they do that?"
"Why did I do that?"

The same questions turn on and on for whole my life.
But through all that...
I have been wondering about these :
- Wonder why I am able to smile after getting hurted (tho' sometime I take time to recover)
- Wonder how I feel guilty for what they've done to me (by saying: it was my mistake)
- Wonder how I fell hard n get up again
- Wonder how I mirroring everybody.

Eventho I keep my rages, funny how it hidden when I'm on top condition.
Eventho I hid my insecurities, funny how it shows when I'm down

Why cant I be like you?
You are able to walk away like nothing had happened.
You are able to talk to them like nothing had happened.
You are able to leave without feeling guilty, NOT EVEN A BIT!
You are able not to think about your "victims".
HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?
I am wondering about people like these!

---------------------------------

YEAH YEAH!
I'M DOWN ONCE MORE!
WITHOUT KNOWING WHY!

Michelle

Michelle, ma belle.
These are words that go together well,
My Michelle.

Michelle, ma belle.
Sont les mots qui vont tres bien ensemble,
Tres bien ensemble.

I love you, I love you, I love you.
That's all I want to say.
Until I find a way
I will say the only words I know that
You'll understand.

I need you, I need you, I need you.
I need to make you see,
Oh, what you mean to me.
Until I do I'm hoping you will
Know what I mean.

I love you.

I want you, I want you, I want you.
I think you know by now
I'll get to you somehow.
Until I do I'm telling you so
You'll understand.

I will say the only words I know that
You'll understand, my Michelle.

Hihihi.. LOVE IT!
Used to listen to this on tape n mp3 of The Complete Beatles' Album.
hmm.. One of my fave songs of The Beatles.
===========================================

Lagi bingung...
Besok sabtu ada kopdar di Bandung dan di Jakarta.
Kampung Gajah or IHP?
Both are my precious ones. (hehehe.. a bit too much, really)
ah, pusing...
Let it be deh!

It's been Lovely days

I dont know...
I feel Loved, Cared..
Been Smilin' and smilin',
even my bones have been very painfully,
Not even my Mom's preaches can stop my lovely days.
(And she preached even more when I just simply smile at her when she preached!)

"... I dont know much,
But I know I love you
And That may be All I need to know..."

It's been three months since the first time I felt like this.
Without knowing about what or who make me feel this way.
May be I dont have to know anyway.

God, I turn this love back to Thee.
for it belongs to You, comes from You, given by You to me.
You are blessing me with so much love.
You have been pouring me with love untill it spills out of the glass.
untill Mom scared.. hihihihi...

I turn this love back to Thee..
I turn this love back to Thee..
I turn this love back to Thee..

Wew!

Vitamin abis kemaren, hari ini lgsg sariawan.

Batere abis kemaren, terpaksa beli di toko buku dulu (batere kalkulator).

Laper tengah malem, ngembat Yam (semacem ubi), huek! ga ada rasanya.
Tanya Mom, ktnya mestinya dicoel ke susu kentel.
Hayah! Kenapa kemaren ga bilang?
Kan bisa sekalian beli...

Siang makan kekenyangan, maagnya sakit.
Malem makan kebanyakan, maagnya makin sakit.

Halah!
Hihihihi...
Duduts ah!
===============================================

Berbunga2 ga jelas, plus ada seberkas rindu yang menyelip
Somebody miss me...
So Crazy It hurts!

like this song of Natalie Cole :

Even though its been so long,
my love for you keeps going strong
I remember the things that we used to do,
a kiss in the rain

Til the sun shined through,
Id try to deny it,
but Im still in love with you

I miss you like crazy,
I miss you like crazy,
ever since you went away

Every hour of every day,
I miss you like crazy,
I miss you like crazy

No matter what I say or do,
there's just no getting over you

I can see the love shining in your eyes,
and it comes as such a sweet surprise
If seeings believing its worth the wait,
so hold me and tell me its not too late

We're so good together,
we're starting forever now,
and I miss you like crazy

I miss you like crazy,
ever since you went away,
every hour of every day

I miss you like crazy,
I miss you baby,
a love like ours will never end
Just touch me and we're there again

---Musical interlude---

Just one night
and we'll have that magic feeling
like we used to do

Hold on tight
and whatever comes our way
we're gonna make it through
If seeings believing its worth the wait,
so hold me and tell me its not too late

We're so good together,
we're starting forever now
And I miss you like crazy,
I miss you like crazy
No matter what I say or do
theres just no getting over you

And I miss you (baby),
I miss you (baby),
all the tender love you gave me
When a feeling gets this strong,
you know the real thing come along

And I miss you,
I miss you like crazy baby,
only your sweet love can save me,

I miss you like crazy,
a love like ours will never end
Just touch me and we're there again,

Miss you like crazy, I miss you like crazy

BUT there's a problem! and it is :

WHO MISS ME LIKE CRAZY till the vibrations hurt??
*sigh* sometimes I hate to have these senses.

The Pursuit of Happyness

The Pursuit of Happyness, film keren.

Sayang bgt, kita masuknya waktu film udah mulai 5 menit kali.
Ceritanya touchy deh...
True Story lho!
Jd Chris Gardner (Will Smith) jualan alat pengukur massa tulang untuk menghidupi istri dan anaknya. Setelah keliling menjajakan alat itu ke rumah sakit, tempat praktek dokter, tersisa sekian buah.
Linda (Thandie Newton), istrinya udah mulai ga tahan waktu sisa alat itu ga kejual2... selama 2 bulan nunggak bayar sewa apartemen. Linda mulai ngancem bawa anaknya ninggalin Chris.
Dan Chris ngamuk, "You may leave, but Christopher (Jaden Smith) stay with me!"

Ada perkataan Chris kepada Christopher yang keren bgt :

"DO NOT LET PEOPLE TELL YOU WHAT YOU CAN OR CANT DO. NOT EVEN ME!"

A very nice advice, really...

apakah Chris berhasil menjualnya sampe habis?
apakah Linda kembali bersama mereka?

Terus yang perlu diperhatikan : Aktingnya Jaden Smith yang NATURAL!!!
Aduh, dasar udah bakat dari ibu-bapaknya ya...
kalo Jaden bener2 serius, bisa kalah deh Will Smith nantinya..

Nonton aja sendiri deh yaaaa...
Yang Jelas, WORTH IT deh!

(DUH! tuh kan.. kalo pengen nulis, malah hilang kata2 yang td seliweran!)

:D :D :D :D

Kemaren nonton Music N Lyrics ber-4 sama Juli, n My Sisters.
Lucu jg sih, tapi sayangnya, film ini bukan jenis film yg bakal keinget terus. Begitu film habis, ya udah... habis. Finish! Keluar dr bioskop, udah lupa ceritanya.

Hugh Grant bergaya lapanpuluhan??? NORAK DEH!!!
Yg lumayan menarik perhatian di film ini adalah si Cora dengan segala keeksentrikannya. Top jg actingnya si Haley Bennet ini!

Selesai nonton, Juli lgsg pulang. Aku n sisters jln2 dulu, terus ketemu sama Ua. Ngobrol2 bentar, terus Qta pisah. Ua terusin belanja, qta ke Nando's. MAKANNNN!!!
Pulangnya jam 9, aku nonton lagi di rumah.
SSSTTTT.... jgn bil2 my Mom ya, aku bobonya jam 5 pagi tadi! *Parentless Nights*

BORED!

bosen lagi...
Ga tau mau ngapain lagi...

mau nonton, remote dipegang Mom.
mau browsing, blogwalking, dsb, ogah2an.
mau baca, kok ya males...
mau chatting, udah pada off..
mau main game, gameku abis trialnya.

=========================

Pusing, batere hearing aidsku cepet abisnya euy!
satu rol isinya 6 batere = 75rb.
satu batere cuma cukup buat 3-7 hari.
tergantung pemakaian, kalo dipake tiap hari dari bangun mpe tidur lagi (kalo mau tidur, dicopot) ya cuma tahan 3 hari.
biasanya sekali beli 2 rol.
hitung sendiri deh sebulan mesti beli berapa rol.
gila kan?

Itu baru batere, belum vitamin2 (Yeah, my drugs! Long Live SIXTIES! :P ) yang begitu habis lgsg sariawan banyak bgt.

huah!

==========================

hihihihihi... ah tidur aja!

Song in my head today

Jambalaya
by The Carpenters

Good-bye Joe, he gotta go, me oh my oh
He gotta go-pole the pirogue down the bayou
His Yvonne the sweetest one, me oh my oh
Son of a gun, we'll have big fun on the bayou

Thibodaux, Fontaineaux the place is buzzin'
A Kin-folk come to see Yvonne by the dozen
Dress in style the go hog wild, me oh my oh
Son of a gun, we'll have big fun on the bayou

(*) Jambalaya and a crawfish pie and fillet gumbo
For tonight, I'm a-gonna see my my-my cher a mi-o
Pick guitar, fill fruit jar and be gay-o
Son of a gun, we'll have big fun on the bayou

Settle down far from town get him a pirogue
And he'll catch all the fish in the bayou
Swap his mon to buy Yvonne what she need-o
Son of a gun, we'll have big fun on the bayou

ASYIK BGT LAGUNYA!
Tapi nyoba2 dengerin dr cd-nya, ga kedengaran :(

Sumpah bingung!

Masalah ini dimulai dari aku ngirim lagu "Raindrops keep falling on my head" ke salah satu milis internal. terus berlanjut ke sixties.
Semua tahu kalo jaman Sixties itu terkenal WILD, Flower Generations, DRUGS, Peace dsb kan? nah, aku posting : "DRUGS?? YESS!!" Kemudian aku nulis "(namanya) enak di OZ. Gampang dpt drugs, tinggal cari di sekitar kampus".

Eh, dia ngamuk2! "ELO BENER2 MENGHINA GUE! Sorry yee.. gue ga serendah itu dapet masalah lari ke drugs!"

Lho??? emang aku nuduh dia make ya??? hihihihihi.. sumpah bingung!
baca emailnya, aku ngakak bgt deh!
kepalang tanggung dia udah panas, ya aku gangguin aja >:)
sampe akhirnya dia bales : "CAPEK GUE NGURUSIN EMAIL LO! YOU WASTING MY TIME N BANDWIDTH!"
Ngakak lagi dah! Akhirnya aku tulis aja : "Then Why You Keep Answering My E-mail anyway?"
N She stopped n quit.
Told you, Didnt I? I let you won last time we fought, but NOT this time!

Puas jg sih nyalurin jahilnya, tapi akibatnya itu lho...
Gue dimoderate di milis bikinan gue sendiri! ROTFL!

n Herda's got the point! :)

=============================================

Td siang, aku makan decolgen, abis rasanya kyk mau pilek sih...
jd pas mau ngaji, ngantuuuukkkk bgttttt...
eh, saved by mommy yang ngobrol sama pak ustad kelamaan, pak ustad n mom ngobrol soal hajinya pak ustad kemaren.
Aku nunggu di sofa ruang keluarga, mpe TIDUR!
ngajinya jd cuma 15 menit doang *ngikik*
Thx Mom! aku jd bs bobo! :D

=============================================

Errrgggh.. dasar!
Sumpah bingung, kok ada ya orang yang seperti itu...
ah, dasar.. kok kepikiran aja?
Baru kali ini liat orang kyk kebakaran jenggot cuma gr2 itu.

Sumpah deh! Bingung bgt!
ROTFL!
Forget it! Forget it! Forget it!
*masih ngakak*

PUSYINK!

Gr2 maag ga bisa dipenuhin, jdnya masuk angin!
Kalo mau ga masuk angin, maag harus penuh. Sedangkan kekenyangan dikiiittttt.. aja udah mual!
Udah gitu, gr2 masuk angin, sariawan deh! Tambah susah makan.
Serba salah deh!

================================================

Kemaren hari sabtu, ke Planggi ngumpul2 sama 4L.
Lama lho! Dari jam 1 siang sampe jam 7 malem kita di sana! Hihihi..
Ga kerasa deh sakit2 selama di sana. TQ All.

Talking about sakit, udah 2 minggu ini sakit2 tulangnya. Sakitnya itu mpe kdg2 kaku bgt deh. blm lagi dari bahu sampe siku, keras bgt, selain gr2 masuk angin, salah tidur kyknya.

Fullmoon kali ini dengan gerhana penuh mulai jam 3 sekian menit sampe jam 6(?)
huaaaaa.... mengapa jam 3??? mengapa tidak mulai jam 10 aja supaya aku bisa nonton?
hihihi... seperti biasa, aku kirim sms werewolf warning, dan balesannya lucu2!

Hari Minggu, Arisan kelurga! dasar Ibu2, setel musik trus poco2, rhumba dan chacha. masing2 pamer gerakan, "satu dua tiga empat, ke samping, satu, dua, satu, dua dst dst".
Sementara anak2 naik turun terus, dan Bapak2, selain ngejaga, gangguin anak2.
hihihihi... dasar keluarga jahil! Anak yg paling kecil pun doyan ngegangguin! colek2, terus diam pura2 ga tau. I Love them!

===================================

I'm back!
kembali ke tulisan yg pendek2 dan ringkas seperti dulu.
Gila! Terlalu banyak yg seliweran di kepala, sampe2 bingung sendiri mau nulis yg mana dulu!
Dan begitu mulai nulis, hilang itu yg td seliweran!
GRRRR.......

I Love It!

I love it when you sms me just to say "Hello".
I love it when you sms me just to say "I'm Ok".
I love it when you sms me just telling me nonsense things.
hihihihi... unbelievable, isn't it?

After Mas Gun sms me yesterday, Kadir sms me too!
Just for talking about things..
It's enough to make my day!
It's enough to make me smile whole days!

Funny but True!

===========================================

"Kartu Keparat"ku udah lunas! tinggal ngambil aja nanti kopdaran. >:)
Asyik2! Nanti ajak main adek2ku deh!
Dan kapan2 kalo ngumpul di kuali bocor, aku bawa ah!
Hihihi... Hurray!
============================================

Been smiling like crazy all day!
eventhough my bones' been aching.

=============================================

And...

Beware!
Bakat Jahilku lagi meledak2!
adek2ku kena terus tuh.. >:)

Terus untuk temen2 tersayang yg sedang sakit, sabar ya...
Emang lagi musim sakit sih!
Apalagi yg rutin aku jailin, *lirik2*, lebih sabar lagi yaa...
Hihihihi... *kabur*

Learning to love yourself

The Greatest Love of All
by George Benson

I believe the children are our are future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be

Everybody searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone to fulfill my needs
A lonely place to be
So I learned to depend on me

[Chorus:]
I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all

I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be

[Chorus]

And if by chance, that special place
That you've been dreaming of
Leads you to a lonely place
Find your strength in love

Compare it with this one :

I've Never Been To Me
By Charlene

Hey lady, you lady, cursing at your life
You're a discontented mother and a regimented wife
I've no doubt you dream about the things you'll never do
But, I wish someone had talked to me
Like I wanna talk to you.....

Oh, I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could run
I took the hand of a preacher man and we made love in the sun
But I ran out of places and friendly faces because I had to be free
I've been to paradise but I've never been to me

Please lady, please lady, don't just walk away
'Cause I have this need to tell you why I'm all alone today
I can see so much of me still living in your eyes
Won't you share a part of a weary heart that has lived million lies....

Oh, I've been to Niece and the Isle of Greece while I've sipped champagne on a yacht
I've moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo and showed 'em what I've got
I've been undressed by kings and I've seen some things that a woman ain't supposed to see
I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me

[spoken]
Hey, you know what paradise is?
It's a lie, a fantasy we create about people and places as we'd like them to be
But you know what truth is?
It's that little baby you're holding, it's that man you fought with this morning
The same one you're going to make love with tonight
That's truth, that's love......

Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children that might have made me complete
But I took the sweet life, I never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet
I've spent my life exploring the subtle whoring that costs too much to be free
Hey lady......
I've been to paradise, (I've been to paradise)
But I've never been to me

(I've been to Georgia and California, and anywhere I could run)
I've been to paradise, never been to me
(I've been to Neice and the isle of Greece while I've sipped champagne on a yacht)
I've been to paradise, never been to me
(I've been to cryin' for unborn children that might have made me complete)
I've been to paradise, never been to me
(I've been to Georgia and California, and anywhere I could run)
I've been to paradise, never been to me

Both are about KNOWING YOUR SELF.
Orang di lagu pertama Sudah menerima keadaan dirinya, sementara orang di lagu kedua blm bisa menerima dirinya.
"Learning to Love yourself" VS "I've been to paradise But I've never been to me"
The first one has already love himself but the second one hasn't.
Why? because he has FOUND himself, meanwhile she has so many regrets to find herself.

I'd love to be the first one, I'm trying to be.
BUT sometimes It is HARD Enough to love yourself when those people keep asking you to do more, meanwhile you have reached the best of you!
And that's make you hate yourself for you cant fulfil their requests.
It is HARD enough to see The Disappointed Look in their eyes, faces, and/or body languages, when you cant do what they want!
And it getting HARDER when they keep saying : "you can do better than this, d'you know?"

And the hardest part coming from inside!
"Oh come on, try harder!" while you tired enough...

I was almost cracked up when I was in my last year of college.
Because of the pressures inside and outside, and yes, the hardest one was coming from inside of me. I hate myself for cant do this and that.
Getting worse by the people around me, the excitements and the HOPES from their eyes.
I hate myself, I hate them, I hate you, I hate everybody!

When finally I got this A.md or A.mad or A.Md (oh, whatever!) behind my name, I dont think I'm worth enough to have it. I dont write it anywhere, unless when I have to. (And That's why I forget how to write it, hihihihihi).
I'm FAR From it... Much further from it.

The more I learn, the smaller I become.
The more I remember, the more I forget.
The more I have, the more I lose.
The more I give, the more I asked.
The more I love, the more I hate.

Funny But TRUE!

Salahkah???

Ok-lah orang disebut dewasa karena bisa memikul tanggung jawab, bisa mempertanggung-jawabkan tindakannya, bisa berpikir panjang, bisa menahan diri, bisa apalagi tuh... ah, apa yg disebut dewasa pd umumnya deh!

Tapi kok aku perhatiin, semakin orang jd (dikatakan) dewasa, kok semakin terpusat pada diri sendiri sih? Pada keluarga sendiri, hanya terpusat pada lingkar dalam, pada jadwal sendiri, Kepentingannya masing2.

Sementara orang yg Childish, walaupun tidak bisa memikul tanggung jawab, tidak bisa menahan diri, tidak berpikir panjang, kekanak2an deh pokoknya, MALAH masih bisa memikirkan orang lain lho! Masih mau menolong, ga mikirin "gue punya kepentingan apa sama dia". Masih berani menerima resiko perbuatannya.

Dewasa itu apa sih? Responsibility but also Selfish? Berpikir panjang tapi jg ignorance? Munafik dong?!

Kalo yang namanya dewasa begitu caranya, Aku ga bisa dan ga akan pernah bisa jd dewasa.
Salahkah???

========================================================
dpt quote yg keren, ga tau siapa yg ngucapin :

Infantile love follows the principle: "I love because I am loved."
Mature love follows the principle: "I am loved because I love."
Immature love says: "I love you because I need you."
Mature love says: "I need you because I love you."

A Reflector

Aku dulu pernah posting "Mirror Of You".
I reflect anybody who talk to me. Yes, Anybody!
Like I said : I dont mean to.

Aku bilang sama salah satu sobatku, satu yang aku sadarin :
I become sweet on you, Edo, Nie, Winda or somebody else.
BUT I become hard on Nabil, Mom, or Somebody else.
I REFLECT THEM COMPLETELY!

Talking about the reflecting...
I did reflect the way she acts.
I didnt mean to.
But I cant avoid it, I became her! I Just REFLECTED her like that!

And most people arent able to see it.

I REALLY NEED TO LEARN HOW TO CONTROL THESE!
The Sensing, The Reflecting, The Dreams, The Projecting, everything about the Eigth sense!

Gees... Mommy.. You should allow me to go back to Kalimasada.
In fact you MUST!
At least they can help me understand these even just a bit.

============================

Hihihihihi... Keisenganku has made The Dream came true.
Like I wrote on sms to you that day, Anne.
I wont write it now or should I?

Gah.. not now... Sleepy!
Have a nice dream all...

Speechless

Setelah bertahun-tahun berjuang supaya ga ada yang dipecat, akhirnya ktr Bandung mengeluarkan sebagian karyawannya. Dan Dad juga dipotong gajinya sebanyak nyaris setengahnya.

Td pagi, Mom ngasih tahu aku supaya siap2 balik lagi ke dulu, tanpa kabelvision. Otomatis jg cablenet ikut putus. "Bisa akhir bulan ini atau bulan depan atau bulan depannya lagi, kita ga tau. Kalo itu terjadi, kamu kita kasih jatah 300rb, bisa di rumah (balik ke dialup) atau ke warnet, terserah".
Yang bikin aku bingung, 300 rb sebulan dengan dialup??? Gila bgt! termasuk tagihan telp ga tuh? Terakhir pake dialup, Mom tereak-tereak soal tagihan telp yg mencapai 1 jt-an. Apalagi sekarang??? Dengan kenaikan harga pulsa kapan tuh, Jangan2 malah lebih banyak dari 1 jt-an!
Ok-lah ke warnet, cuma Mom ngasih ga aku pergi sendiri ke warnetnya? jadi makin ngerepotin dong... minta anter Mbak, My Sis atau Bros. minta anter Mom? Mana mau!

Solusinya Spidi atau Satelit, cuma aku ga yakin2 bgt deh sama keduanya. Gprs? putus melulu kan? Wifone dari Bakrie kali ya? tapi ga tau juga soal tagihannya deh... (blm research euy)

Is there any suggestion from you?

Ijinkan Aku...

Ijinkan aku menyayangimu dengan cara :

- membangkitkan semangatmu kala kau merasa gagal
- meminjamkan tanganku untuk membantumu berdiri kala kau jatuh
- merindukanmu kala kau jauh
- menenangkan hatimu kala kau gelisah
- meminjamkan bahuku kala kau menangis
- meminjamkan telingaku untuk mendengarkan curahan hatimu kala kau sesak hati
- memberitahumu kala kau salah walau kau tak mau mendengarnya.
- menyakitimu untuk menyembuhkan kala kau terluka
- menemanimu kala kau merasa sendiri
- mendukungmu untuk maju kala kau ragu
- meminjamkan pelitaku kala kau diliput kegelapan
- mencarikanmu solusi kala kau dirundung masalah
- Merelakanmu pergi kala kau tak lagi bahagia bersamaku

Aku tahu aku tak bisa dan tak akan pernah bisa membalas semua yang kalian lakukan untukku.
Namun aku berusaha untuk tetap di sampingmu selama aku bisa mendampingimu.

But I must admit that I'm scared...

I'm Scared of :

- being not able to give
- being not able to love
- being not able to help
- being not able to care
- being not able to be there
- being not able to release
- being not able to relieve
- being not able to cure
- being not able to support
- being not able to protect

To sum up, I'm scared of losing you, Sweethearts.

AMIT2!

TQ bgt Mom!
Males amat sih tutup pintu?
huh!